Mark Laba
Province
Francis Regio of Tapastree with an antipasto platter. Photograph by: Les Bazso, The Province
I always thought Saint Valentine was a guy but you could’ve slapped me upside the head with a dead platypus and I wouldn’t have been more stunned after a recently discovered picture found in a cave beneath the Vatican.
Turns out ol‘ Valentine is a gal and bears a striking resemblance to Shelley Winters circa The Poseidon Adventure, complete with a feather boa and fake eyelashes you could use as souvlaki skewers. Ah well, confirmed my suspicions that Valentine’s Day is the work of the female mind created to inflict pain on the male species to get them back for Super Bowl weekend. Lull them into a sense of well-being and then BAM, beat them over the head with all things sweet and saccharine, and force them to find the one romantic bone in their body that doesn’t need the help of Viagra.
On that note, it’s time to tap your inner Romeo and take the spouse, the girlfriend, the boyfriend, the lover or the rebounder out for a dinner and show them you care, which you can start by remembering to do up your zipper. Here’s a bunch of suggestions that I’ve divided into categories to make it easier.
The Latin Lover
La Terrazza
This beautiful room that strikes the perfect balance between elegance and opulence will put you in the romantic mood in zero-to-60 seconds flat and have you pulling a Gomez Addams nibbling his way up the arm of his beloved Morticia, gawkers notwithstanding. Offering a decadent Valentine’s four-course feast for $88.88 per person and showcasing dishes like Carpaccio al Bosco with thinly sliced beef tenderloin dressed up with black-truffle vinaigrette to start followed by stuffed crab and prawn pasta envelopes, some spiffy entrée selections next from lobster to steak and decadent desserts to follow.
1088 Cambie St., Vancouver, 604-899-4449
The French Factor
Elixir
No one knows naughtiness like the French, which is strange from a culture that reveres Jerry Lewis. Nevertheless one only has to look at the wife of the French president to understand that the Gallic sensibility looks for sexiness with a touch of class rather than sexiness with a touch of implants.
So, hit Elixir, this bordello meets bistro for a four-course Parisian-inspired menu celebrating l’amour avec credit limit. Actually at $75 per person this is a great deal, with dishes like lobster, grapefruit and truffle salad, pheasant breast, piquillo pepper and spot prawn saucisse with saffron and parmesan gnocchi and a chocolate fondue for two to finish things off. Sultry, sexy and sumptuous, which I believe is the equivalent of the three R’s in France.
360 Davie St. in the Opus Hotel, Vancouver, 604-642-0557
Love Bites
Tapastree
With the amount of tapas joints in this city, you might actually believe tapas do grow on trees but this relatively unsung and one of the originators of the tapas craze in the city is still whipping up delectable sharing plates. Truly a tapestry of tastes in this quiet, snug and romantic hideaway offering up a wonderful Valentine’s Day menu. $60 per person for an exemplary offering of dishes in which fingers are sure to mingle and perhaps even stab each other with forks reaching for the last morsel on the plate. Think roasted beet salad with hazelnuts and goat cheese, Dungeness crab cakes with spicy remoulade, baked scalloped ‘taters with emmenthal, braised veal cheeks, seared ling cod and a special dessert.
1829 Robson St., Vancouver, 604-606-4680
downtown don juan
Chow
The clean line modernity of the South Granville nip-and-tuck brigade culminates in a beautiful space that throws you a little wood, a little steel and a little leather, the three major food groups for the contemporary designer. The food follows suit, offering up that West Coast cuisine that comes from living on the edge of a continental plate. A five-course Valentine’s affair is being offered from the 13th-15th and boasts some great creations like oysters two ways, pan-seared ling cod with crushed potatoes, chorizo, Brussels sprouts and manila clams, braised pork belly with polenta, rapini, cipollini onions, black olive, tomato and thyme sauce and a couple of swanky desserts to boot.
3121 Granville St., Vancouver, 604-608-2469
Coast
Seafood always seems to be numero uno on the list of aphrodisiacs lovers’ menus, which is always puzzling to me because I’ll take Hostess Twinkies as a prelude to lovemaking over oysters any day. I always say if edible chemicals and hydrogenated fats can’t give you stamina and set the mood then you have no place living in the modern world. But for those who desire a throwback to the catalysts of more earthly desires, this swanky joint doesn’t disappoint with a fabulous seafood menu bound to inspire. As well, Coast is offering its Aphrodisiacs’ Menu all week long from Feb. 9-15. $65 per person nets you a half dozen West Coast oysters, poached jumbo prawn cocktail, Nova Scotia lobster risotto, seared beef tenderloin with king crab and a quince-caramel tarte tartin with spiced cider cinnamon heart crusted vanilla ice cream. Rounding out the evening the restaurant will present every table with an envelope. Inside three envelopes will be the gift of a free evening at the Sutton Place, Hotel Vancouver or Le Soleil Hotel. Other envelopes will contain various other goodie giveaways. So when you’re caught necking on the street and someone yells “Hey, get a room,” you can potentially flash them your envelope and say “Hey, we already do.”
1257 Hamilton St., Vancouver, 604-685-5010
Country Casanova
Roast Bistro & Grill
This quaint little spot is garnering a lot of praise lately and though folks are going gaga for the pulled-pork sandwich this chef is proving himself more than a one-pig pony. Some very spiffy fare is finding its way out of the kitchen here without sacrificing a certain level of home comfort and down-home charm you don’t always find in the city and the Valentine’s Day menu is proving the point in food and in price. $24 per person gets you a four-course meal with soup, salad, dessert and some fine entrée selections. Roast beef with Yorkshire pudding, pecan-crusted chicken breast, a grilled steak or pasta shindig all made with the same tenderness you’d show your loved one except everyone keeps their pants on in this case.
#110-22456 Lougheed Hwy., Maple Ridge, 604-467-6278
The Bedford House
You wouldn’t think that such a stately manor was built by the town butcher back in 1904. But it was and some still say that the original Haldi family still wander the hallways in their ghostly way, haunting the house and cadging free drinks. Anyway, couldn’t ask for a lovelier setting for Valentine’s Day in this heritage house and though there isn’t a specific menu for the evening the à la carte offerings are sure to satisfy and the setting set the mood for some fondling and food.
9272 Glover Rd., Fort Langley, 604-888-2333
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